Love in the Bronx

Henry, my ten-year-old charge at the tutoring organization where I volunteer, has a girlfriend. He unabashedly discussed her with me for quite some time during our session last night, and I thought our conversation was too funny not to share.

Henry: I have a girlfriend.
Me: You do? What's her name?
Henry: Victoria!
Me: How long has this been going on?
Henry: Like a week and a half.
Me: Tell me about her! What's she like?
Henry: She's pretty.
Me: Oh.
Henry: And skinny.
Me: Is that important?
Henry: No.
Me: Are you nice to her?
Henry: Yes!
Me: What do you do?
Henry: Sometimes I grab her hand.
Me: OK. What else? Do you buy her candy?
Henry: No. 'Cause I don't have any money. But she doesn't care about that. She cares about what's in my heart. (pounds his chest proudly)
Me: Good. Sounds like she has her priorities straight.
Henry: Yeah. But it's a problem because two girls like me. So there's three girls fighting over me.
Me: You mean two girls besides Victoria?
Henry: Yeah.
Me: Mr. Popularity. They don't actually physically fight over you, do they?
Henry: No.
Me: Would you stop them if they did?
Henry: (thinks for a moment) I would save Victoria!
Me: Does your sister know about this?
Henry: Yeah. We saw her at Wendy's today.
Me: What does she have to say?
Henry: She says she's pretty. But she said I'm too young.
Me: Yeah, I could see how fourth grade might seem a little young to have a girlfriend.
Henry: I started in second grade!
Me: You did?
Henry: Yeah. It was still Victoria. We broke up but we got back together.
Me: I see.
Henry: I played a mean April Fools' Day trick on her!
Me: Uh oh. What did you do?
Henry: I grabbed her and I said, "We have to talk. I think we should break up. April Fools!"
Me: What did she do?
Henry: She hit me in the head.
Me: Good. You deserved it.

(later)
Me: Phew, it's freezing in here.
Henry: Here. (Takes off his coat and throws it over my shoulders)
Me: Wow, thanks Henry! That's really thoughtful, but I don't want you to be cold. I've got my own coat. I should just put it on. Anyway, what would Victoria think if she knew you were giving your coat to another lady?
Henry: (grinning) I hugged another girl in front of her!
Me: You did? What did she say?
Henry: I told her it was my sister.
Me: You lied to your girlfriend?
Henry: (nods, grins)
Me: Did she believe you?
Henry: Yeah. But it wasn't really a lie. She [the other girl] said she wanted to trade me for her brother anyway.

(later, after Henry solved a difficult math problem)
Me: It's because you're a math genius. Someday you'll be an engineer and make lots of money and then you can buy Victoria a fancy car.
Henry: Yeah! And then we'll drive on a honeymoon to Las Vegas!